Posts Tagged funny
R.O.I.
Posted by Chris Houchens in marketing on August 25, 2010
There seems to be a current craze in taking the standard abbreviation, R.O.I., and substituting another word for “Investment” to make a point.
For example, I have recently heard people talk or read articles about things such as: Return on Inspiration, Return on Innovation, and Return on Impressions. The points these speakers and writers made with the change were good. After all, changing the standard paradigm is a great way to get an audience to think in new ways.
But, I’m afraid. I think changing what R.O.I. stands for is about to jump the shark and become a business cliché. (Forget the fact that I regularly have to explain / spell out what R.O.I. actually means to people.)
But since it’s currently the hip trendy thing to do, I offer the following suggestions:
Return on Iceberg
Extra income for a restaurateur serving cheap salads.
Return on Ichabod
Washington Irving’s royalty check.
Return on Illustrator
Income of a logo designer.
Return on In-N-Out
Animal Style Double-Double. Animal Style Fries Well Done.
Return on IKEA
Acquired from assembling lingonberry flavored furniture.
Return on Iamb
re-TURN
Return on Interrobang
Is it hard to invent punctuation ‽
Return on Iridectomy
Priceless when you have a posterior capsular tear with vitreous loss.
Return on Inflation
Now is the time to BUY GOLD!!! Call for my free brochure!
Return on Infomercial
Ron Popeil’s second house.
Return on Impotence
Call your doctor if it returns more than four hours.
Return on Investment
Oh…wait.
Feel free to add your own in the comments.
stupid tweets
Posted by Chris Houchens in marketing, online on September 30, 2009
I’m sure you find value in your Twitter stream. But among the constant golden nuggets of twitter-dom, there are ocasssionally some stinker tweets. Most of these come from wannabe gurus who feel they have to constantly “provide value to the community” so they wind up tweeting their idiocy.
The ones that get me the most are when something big has been happening for several hours and is already firmly entrenched as a trending topic. Someone logs on and feels they need to be an “innovator” and help their poor “laggard” followers. For example: if gmail has been down for 5 or 6 hours, they would tweet this:
Whoa. I’m having trouble with my gmail acct. Something may be happening.
Related to that are the people discovering technology, but trying to act like a tech insider:
Just visited a WordPress blog and it gave me the ability to leave a comment at the bottom of the post. New feature?
Matt Foley wannabes:
Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?
You gotta love people’s first tweet:
Trying out this new Twitter thing…
btw — I think a person’s first tweet should be:
@Watson! come here I need you!
T.M.I:
Good news: I get to leave the house today. Bad news: It’s to buy new catheter bags. (actual tweet!)
Crowdsourcing the mundane:
Anyone know how many toothpicks are in a standard box? has it traditionally been that number?
Spending the attention that I have given you to play some inane game:
I just ousted Cleatus as the Dog Catcher of Hooterville on Five Rhombus!
And sadly, I see this truly stupid one all the time…
Is Twitter down?
Did I miss some tweets that annoy you? Leave them in the comments. And if you want to see some really dumb tweets, you can follow me on Twitter @shotgunconcepts!
names are important
Posted by Chris Houchens in marketing on May 10, 2009
Walking down Gervais Street in Columbia SC last week, I snapped this on my cell phone. Maybe the financial industry wasn’t the best industry for this guy to get into?
at least there was a call to action
Posted by Chris Houchens in marketing, online on May 6, 2009
If your phone call doesn’t get through, maybe you could send them a letter.
I wonder if they prompt customers to email their telemarketing department.
maybe wom isn’t that effective
Posted by Chris Houchens in marketing on April 4, 2009
I wonder why they wasted the money on postage and printing to mail me this since I would have eventually just “heard about it on the street” anyway??
hey brother, can you spare a dime? I’m a little venti
Posted by Chris Houchens in marketing on March 18, 2009
Starbucks is concerned that you think a $4 cuppajoe is an extragavance in a tight economy. They’re planning an ad campaign to rid your little mind of the “myth” of a $4 sbux treat.
Since they’re knee-jerking and killing the high-end coffee brand image they’ve cultivated for years, I’m willing to help out in this endeavor. Here are some other budget conscious ideas for Starbucks and their customers:
- Order a venti double decaf hot water and make ramen noodles with it
- Ask your barista to write a “the way I see it” quote on the side of your thermos filled with Folgers
- Forget all these ‘value paired’ Starbucks breakfast combos. Two words: Pop Tarts
- Why stop with breakfast? Go lunch and dinner. Two more words: Tuna Casserole — an artisan blend of store-brand tuna mixed with store-brand mushroom soup, government cheese, store-brand noodles, and topped with a crunchy store-brand corn flake blend
- If rough times last until this fall, pick up an unfinished pumpkin latte off of an unbussed table. Pour it into a discarded jack-o-latern at the curb and enjoy a rustic pumpkin soup.
- Water down the drinks.
- Save electricity on the grinding. Pour the beans out in the parking lot each morning. Let the traffic crush them up. Sweep up, place in the espresso makers, and introduce the new “Asphalt blend”
- Charge for wi-fi access … oh wait.
- Put Starbucks kiosks into the local Dollar Stores.
- Get Obama to bail you out
- Organize customer biscotti potlucks
- What’s your idea? Put it in the comments.
no such thing as bad press?
Posted by Chris Houchens in branding, media on January 15, 2009
Marketing Tip — Always put your logo on the buoyant end of the plane.
btw– Supposedly this was the first pic of the event taken from an iPhone and immediately uploaded to Twitter using Twitpic. The MSM then interviewed the citizen journalist nearly a half hour after he broke the story.
Other reports say that Sean Connery was standing near the crash mumbling something about Charlemagne and armies of rocks and trees and the birds in the sky.
old vs new
Posted by Chris Houchens in marketing on September 16, 2008
According to Emily Post, the classic correct formal introduction is along the lines of:
“Mrs. Jones, may I present Mr. Smith?
Of course, that devolved into either introducing oneself or something casual along the lines of:
“This is my friend, Chris.”
Today, the basic introduction goes along the lines of:
“omg facebook says we know each other … Wanna 2b friendz?”
Brand Zeitgeist
Speaking
