R.O.I.

There seems to be a current craze in taking the standard abbreviation, R.O.I., and substituting another word for “Investment” to make a point.

For example, I have recently heard people talk or read articles about things such as: Return on Inspiration, Return on Innovation, and Return on Impressions. The points these speakers and writers made with the change were good. After all, changing the standard paradigm is a great way to get an audience to think in new ways.

But, I’m afraid. I think changing what R.O.I. stands for is about to jump the shark and become a business cliché. (Forget the fact that I regularly have to explain / spell out what R.O.I. actually means to people.)

But since it’s currently the hip trendy thing to do, I offer the following suggestions:

Return on Iceberg
Extra income for a restaurateur serving cheap salads.

Return on Ichabod
Washington Irving’s royalty check.

Return on Illustrator
Income of a logo designer.

Return on In-N-Out
Animal Style Double-Double. Animal Style Fries Well Done.

Return on IKEA
Acquired from assembling lingonberry flavored furniture.

Return on Iamb
re-TURN

Return on Interrobang
Is it hard to invent punctuation ‽

Return on Iridectomy
Priceless when you have a posterior capsular tear with vitreous loss.

Return on Inflation
Now is the time to BUY GOLD!!! Call for my free brochure!

Return on Infomercial
Ron Popeil’s second house.

Return on Impotence
Call your doctor if it returns more than four hours.

Return on Investment
Oh…wait.

Feel free to add your own in the comments.