hey brother, can you spare a dime? I’m a little venti

Starbucks is concerned that you think a $4 cuppajoe is an extragavance in a tight economy. They’re planning an ad campaign to rid your little mind of the “myth” of a $4 sbux treat.

Since they’re knee-jerking and killing the high-end coffee brand image they’ve cultivated for years, I’m willing to help out in this endeavor. Here are some other budget conscious ideas for Starbucks and their customers:

  • Order a venti double decaf hot water and make ramen noodles with it
  • Ask your barista to write a “the way I see it” quote on the side of your thermos filled with Folgers
  • Forget all these ‘value paired’ Starbucks breakfast combos. Two words: Pop Tarts
  • Why stop with breakfast? Go lunch and dinner. Two more words: Tuna Casserole — an artisan blend of store-brand tuna mixed with store-brand mushroom soup, government cheese, store-brand noodles, and topped with a crunchy store-brand corn flake blend
  • If rough times last until this fall, pick up an unfinished pumpkin latte off of an unbussed table. Pour it into a discarded jack-o-latern at the curb and enjoy a rustic pumpkin soup.
  • Water down the drinks.
  • Save electricity on the grinding. Pour the beans out in the parking lot each morning. Let the traffic crush them up. Sweep up, place in the espresso makers, and introduce the new “Asphalt blend”
  • Charge for wi-fi access … oh wait.
  • Put Starbucks kiosks into the local Dollar Stores.
  • Get Obama to bail you out
  • Organize customer biscotti potlucks
  • What’s your idea? Put it in the comments.

Chris Houchens is a marketing raconteur & writer. Connect with him on Twitter or Facebook.

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5 comments on “hey brother, can you spare a dime? I’m a little venti
  1. Charge $4 for $2 water because it’s for charity, then only give a nickel to charity — oh wait.

  2. Chris says:

    Starbucks powers NASCAR. $.10 espresso shots featuring the beans that Starbucks inadvertently overroasts…oops that means all of them.

  3. @GoingLikeSixty — Don’t forget that’s 0.10 in Canada!! Eh?
    @Chris — Overroast Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

  4. Marie says:

    Start charging customers to use the bathroom.

    Ryanair, Europe’s largest budget cheap airline, is considering the idea. Sounds crazy, but very true according to the BBC.


  5. @Marie — sbux could learn a lot from the airline industry on how to punish their customers!

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